Opening an expected parcel on an April afternoon, i thought i was perfectly safe. The strange scratching coming from inside the box, as mentioned by the postman, went unconsidered. Probably just moths. With nails.

Anyhow, carefully (okay i rushed it, shaddup, who's telling this story?) cutting through the tape on the top of the box, there was an odd stillness inside. A slight rustle preceeded my popping the last line of tape... and suddenly the top of the box flew open! Bursting forward, a grotesque chunk of mangled Peep on his lethal claw, was.. The Woooolverine!

Flinging the mangled piece of Peep-meat to one side, he launched himself upon the blue Hair-Ball Critter, plunging his claws deep into the squishy flesh and hacking away savagely.

Having satisfied his need for a good mauling and some deep breaths of fresh uncardboardy air, he leapt upon the edges of the box and saw about escaping his confines, dragging his Softail Harley (squee!) down with him.

Setting his 1024cc beast to rights, he took off to survey this new territory.

Suddenly he stopped, his stomach turning horribly, lips curling down in disgust. He shielded his eyes from the hideous defilement that lay before him. What on earth can have provoked such a reaction in the Wolverine...?

Well. Yes, that'd do it:

The unbearable visage of mini-wolverine riding a My Little Pony with pink hair no less, was accompanied by two leering fuzzy toys, their grins seeming to taunt The Wolverine.

To make it worse, the green toy proceeded to chuckle, "hyuck hyuck hyuck! that sure is a nice bicycle!"

Traumatised by the image of himself being degraded in such a way, and convinced he'd see this vision of hell behind his eyelids for the rest of his days, The Wolverine flew into a rage! Hefting his Harley above his head, he roared, sending the My Little Pony fleeing for it's life as mini-wolverine took up a fighting stance and bared his mini-teeth.

But in haste brought on by the shock, The Wolverine had made a crucial mistake. Mini-wolverine was at.... GROIN HEIGHT!

Plunging his mini(but no less sharp)-claws into The Wolverine's vulnerable nether-regions, the fight was won in split seconds as the Harley went flying and The Wolverine collapsed in a pile of groin-bleeding screams. Leaving the incapacitated Wolverine to his leering friend-toys, mini-wolverine stole Wolverine's leather jacket for the My Little Pony (who, after years of exposure and traumatic conditioning therapy, he had grown to quite like), and the two of them rode off on the Harley.

Such was the eventful day pheral opened a parcel from Silverhammer. It cannot be said, however, that The Wolverine does not sometimes get his own back...